The unidentifiable beauty of an empty mind

That nervous making moment, suddenly appeared, fallen unexpectedly from the blue Portuguese sky. The moment where all tentacles of overstretched nerves reach out to feel a reason for being at that well thought-over and freely chosen place in time. All should be better, the dream came to life and all wishes became a reality. A six-bedroom house, all for yourself, in the beautiful vicinity of rural Portugal, a swimming pool brightened up by beams of the only sun, an adopted daughter of a chain dog, a few chickens, a proudly placed solar boiler on the south-side of the roof, a four wheel drive on the driveway behind the electric “portão”.

Your Facebook account shows a profile picture wearing sunglasses, the cover photo reflexes the beauty of your little kingdom. Friends and family left behind in the country where, maybe out of frustration, maybe simply because life itself wasn't satisfactory, the dream was born and chased after, are looking at your timeline entries full of delightful outside diners, self grown fruit, baked cakes, funny and disarming moments with the locals, re-post’s from “need to make” recipes and dog shelter adoption shout-outs, slideshows of meetings at expat charity events and quiz nights. Life is good and despite the efforts on finding leap holes for not having to pay to much taxes, keeping your native country's drivers license, keeping up the grade of healthcare service you 're so desperately missing when confronted with the Portugese system of hourly long waiting lines, still, compared to the life before the adventure of moving towards the paradise you always dreamed of, there are no reasons to share anything less than your happiness.

It takes a while, but at some point all the privileged prosperity becomes a daily, unaware fact of life. Well, a fact that has been bastardized during the numerous times you get bored lately. All the restaurant visits, the romantic nights of drinking wine, the encounters with people who you became friends with just because they are compatriots, that special weeks of selling your dream by showing all the cultural and natural highlights of your world to family and friends who find your six- bedroom house an ideal place to spend their vacation,  have re-written the facts during the times when you are on your own. Living in a heavenly dream comes, at days when there's nobody to impress, convince about or share it with, close to being dead. The mind works in mysterious ways, knowing to have it all can feel like missing out on the unknown. Some of your, numerous new made, friends seem to have no problem with it, others enthusiastically throw themselves in to a life fulfilling hobby and some, of course, found their golden rule of happiness in yoga, organic farming or become a, one course, self declared, professional artist.

The real desperate ones become a “life coach” or teacher in “mindfullness” in the hope to find their own reason for being. It brings them in contact with others who don't know either where all the insecurity in their perfect life comes from and whom are evenly willing to pay for exploring the way back from perfection. Thinking about it seems so much more populair nowadays than living life and excepting the reality of being here, now and mortal. Breathing, eating and, forgive me the expression, shitting is all that's needed to make life possible. The extra's, good as well as bad, are just choices for the ones that don't have to worry about healthy food, clean air and a reasonable standard of sanitation.

You can try to hold on to that certain personal preferences on a number of occasions, just express and share your fluctuating happiness and leave those unwanted chapters of your life omitted, exclude them from what, you think, is relevant in the projection of your life. All you require is for others to have “faith” in your personal expressions of happiness and success. Proof and evidence is not a prerequisite! Or....  you could free your mind of all those troubled thoughts on the meaning of life. You could except your reasonable uncomplicated life with all the extra's, like the beautiful Portuguese summer, the food, the music, the freedom to do on Wednesday something you wanted to do on Monday, the appointments that are flexible agreements on time and place, the time wasting day's, just because you can. The bad feeling day's, the grieve over lost ones, the mishaps, the dark hours and emotional outbursts because you have a mindfull, don't relate to your current life, they've would be there anyway and anywhere you chose to be you. Get your mind emptied out from all that unanswerable questions by excepting the here and now. You don't need an insecure, self taught un-certified mental coach that runs of screaming only because she was to nervous to get a drivers license and didn't find a partner in life to drive her around. You don't need sessions of emotional pottery shaping to define the muddy parts of your brain. You don't want a mind full with awareness, you need a an empty mind to be surprised, to have a goodnight sleep and a to wake up and welcome the next day. It's not about somebody telling you how to do it, not about a coach explaining you the tricks of “mindfullness”. Did you ever meet an old Portuguese farmer or talk to a traditional black dressed widow who was wondering why he or she was born, what the meaning of life is? When you got the basics covered all you need is a certain amount of Mindlessness.