As if we slaughtered our goat and burned our last clothes.

38 Years ago I spend some time in Turkey, from then on many times and even worked there longer periods, but that’s beside the point. I was 15 and stayed in a little village far from modern society. People didn’t have electricity, never seen a video camera and laughed when I showed my invention; a tripod seat to put over the hole in the ground called a toilet. I spend evenings listening to the stories that were told by the older man. The first one that comes to mind is the story about 3 young men who convinced the imam of the village that the world would come to an end at midnight. They met the imam at the riverside where he was washing his goat. “We better eat the goat”, they said, “enjoy a last good meal”. The Imam agreed, killed the goat and told the young men to have a swim in the river, clean themselves for the last prayer before they would roast the goat. They took off all their clothes, jumped into the river and the Imam made a fire. After a while of having fun, they smelled the meat on the barbecue and returned. “First a prayer”, the Imam said and so they worshipped Allah and enjoyed the meat of the goat that the Imam offered for this special occasion. When all were done eating the Imam said; “Now we can wait until midnight with pride, we prayed, we offered a goat, it will all be alright!” He stood up and told the boys that he would wait for the end of the world at the mosk. “But where are our clothes?” they asked. “Well, I used them to start the fire”, the Imam said, “you don’t need them anymore, because in half an hour you will be in heaven”. And off he went... I guess I don’t have to explain the moral of the story.

One man told the story of his grandfather who was always making predictions about the future. He was seen as the village lunatic because he was telling about times to come when he would shoot a çilkeklik (partridge), people on the other side of the ocean could see the feathers in the sky. When I said that he was right about it and we even saw people walking on the moon, I was considered to be a bit strange too. The last time I visited the same village, everybody had internet, a flatscreen TV and most of them a European toilet. Where we in western societies slowly got used to modernities, these people had to cope with all the changes and technical revolution in just one decade. Lately, I’m thinking back to my time over there a lot, realizing that what I saw as poverty back then was in fact richness we can only dream about nowadays. People knowing so much and being so wise without realizing it, facing reality with solutions found in nature and close to home. A few generations later, some people still don’t understand the impact of the prediction made by the old man in the village of Topluca in Turkey. There are still people who think they can share secrets with others, without the risk of them being exposed later on.

Today, (September 5th) me and my love, we celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary, that’s no secret. We are welded together, have the same thoughts at the same moments, know each other to the detail of every spot on our skin, every scar on our soul and know exactly how to use the clutch and shifter so the weakened teeth in our mutual gearbox don’t break. Where one lacks power, the other turns up the energy. When one feels hailstones on the shoulders, the other will hold up a protective umbrella. Both missing some ingredients but when mixed together the ideal base for a spicy dish. We enjoy togetherness in our own way, solve problems our way, finding creative and unconventional solutions to make it stick. Believe me, superglue is nothing compared to that what bonds our relationship. We certainly aren’t average, far from mainstream and miles away from a conventional excepted form of family. We might be seen as “normal” though and just lucky to have the spare parts between each other to make both complete, but we are not two, we are one.

For some, it’s a reason to compliment us with our relation. It’s nice to hear younger couples express their ambition to be in 20 years where we are now (relation wise, on other subjects they could do much better). It’s a privilege to be seen as “successful” among those “youngsters” and to be part of their evolutionary world, where religious burdens and conservative conventions are seen as relics of a past. Therefore it takes much more effort to be accepted by people still living according to their one-sided upbringing, narrowed view on any relationship – other than money making man, child raising, soap-opera watching, household budget spending woman, weekends with soccer and washing the precious car, yearly holiday at the known places, fake Christmas peace celebrating rituals and grasping the hopeful straw of a later in life pension – that is different than their own. They don’t seem to comprehend in which way their expressions are seen and heard of, within minutes after sharing them with a “friend”. The days of spreading a rumour, known to everybody in the village or inner circle of acquaintances, except for the ones who are a victim of that gossip, are long over.

Everything gets out, one way or the other and reaches the ones who it concerns by social media contacts like WhatsApp, messenger or twitter. The problem with “analogue” friends is that it’s not just about pushing a button to “unfriend”, although some think they’re living a modern life and know the ins and outs of the digital world. They don’t seem to understand the concept of friends of friends of friends on a platform like Facebook. Like that partridge feathers on the other side of the world, gossip shared with “close” friends only takes a few moments to reach the ones that it wasn’t meant for. So one could think it’s safe to call me a pimp, sending his wife abroad to work when telling it to someone 2500 kilometres away in another country, instead of walking the few steps back home and tell it in my face. So-called friends, with not even a grasp of understanding about the choices, not interested in the reasons behind such a difficult decision we made as a couple, aren’t worth the discussion. All social media platforms have a blocking option and our house has a front door that’s only to be opened for the ones we welcome. Those feeling superior should watch out on the doorstep, we’re a two-person band, making music like an orchestra, we’re an environmentally friendly engine maintained by the best product you can find; Love. Everybody is welcomed except for the ones who spread the gossip that we slaughtered our goat and burned our last clothes....