I am, deal with it.

I am the childless son
of an only son who I never really got to know
because at the age of ten, I became the last.

What I wanted yesterday is forgotten.
What I want today is irrelevant.
Tomorrow I want something else anyway.

I am a free man
next to a righteous women who I really know
because from that first moment we became one.

Gratefully living in the shining of her being.
Thinking behind the blinding curtains of my brain.
Surrounded by chaos in the darkness of my worried mind.

I am the prisoner
of my own pretended fear
for all undeserved bright moments and good feelings.

A stranger among strangers, a friend among friends.
The inspirator among young ones, a dreamer among the responsible old.
A good listener among the hurt, the sarcastic one among those complaining.

I fit in with the non fittable ones, trying to fix the unfixable.
Turning with the windmills in my mind, fighting the battle with the future.
Aware of unseen dimensions, denying rational but unfair boundaries.

I am a part of all, a piece of the broken,
taken apart and being reassembled, lost hope and found it back.
A nightmare survivor.
A daydream believer.
I am responsible for all.
I am not responsible for all.
I am, deal with it.

Wasting time...

I'm wasting my time, at least that's what I'm thinking. When I'm fixing the old car, so it will pass the yearly inspection. When I'm cutting firewood, when I'm looking at the supermarket leaflets to find the cheapest offers. When I'm painting the house, knowing I'll have to do it again next year. When I'm saving money, knowing it will be spend on some tool that inevitably will break. When I'm scrolling thru the internet, sitting behind a laptop all day. When I'm daydreaming about all the goals I could set, knowing none will come true. When I'm trying to quit smoking, knowing someday I'll die anyway. When I'm trying to eat healthy, knowing I can't afford anything else than the cheapest food. When I'm making some wooden artwork, knowing nobody will buy it. When I'm writing a poem, knowing it won't change the world. I'm wasting time, being depressed, being angry at the people who are killing our planet. I'm wasting time looking at all the alternative blogs, wasting time hearing the manipulated news. My whole life seems to be a chain gang of wasting time.

But wait. I'm just wasting my time. Living in a holiday destination, enjoying the sun. I am, so there is a me. An individual trying to survive in a world full of faraway dangers, lots of assholes, corrupt bankers and politicians, stupid laws and rules, stressful dreams of success, crowded subways, people claiming they are Paris while they've never been there, Nazi slogan shouting racists, extreme religious terrorists, Israelis still claiming to be the chosen ones, greedy companies taking churches to court for putting solar panels on their roof, border closing right-wing liberals defending freedom, millions of camera's following people's moves, smartphone hacking gouvernment agencies, innocent children killing remote controlled bombs, logo making graphic designers after every hurtful event and wannabee Clint Eastwood cops.

I'm wasting time, trying to make some sense of it all. The only real question I have to ask myself is; “Am I going to pay that bill or am I going to buy food?”
“Am I going to help my close by friends and neighbours or am I the one that needs help?”
“Am I going to by medicines for our 18 year old dog or am I going to buy medicines for myself?”
“Am I going to pay for a doctor's advise or will I endure the pain?”

Wasting time doesn't seem much to lose, but it's my time, and one of the few last things I'm able to waste. That put's life in perspective.....

Thickened skin

And she got scared
affraid to show her scarfs
And she got worried
reluctant to express her grieve
And she got angry
frustrated about the disbelieve

And she gave up
trying to be a hero
And she got silent
swallowing her pride
And she found shelter
a smiling face to hide

And she lived on
thickening her skin
And she kept moving
walking along the edge
And she tried forgetting
her heart divided with a wedge

And she just avoided them
all these painfull encounters
And she thought she had left
the depresive days behind

But she just didn't make it
escaping from a troubled mind

I was here..

I don't think that much
I just feel the irony in being here
I don't deduct a lot of grieve
I just add the hours of light to being me.

I don't create my surroundings
I just except the illusive dimensions that are
I don't beg for love and compassion
I just offer my heart-unlocking key.

I don't shout so loud
I just whisper convinced I'm not noticed anyway
I don't watch that far ahead
I just see my footsteps fading away in history.

Left with the truth..

I left some footprints in my home town,
some gravity on our old school's wall.
I left some pocketknife cutting marks
at the old tree in front of city-hall.

I Left my first kiss on the cheek
of a giggling girl in first grade.
I left my nuclear power protest sticker
next to the spot where my tag was sprayed

I left my childhood at the cemetery,
at the spot where we said my dad goodbye.
I left my boy scout uniform in a buried box,
the minute I realized most of life is a lie.

I left my grown-up dreams and goals,
rolled up in my graduation certificate.
I left my middle class opportunities
becoming just a slave seemed inadequate.

I left home and found another,
a different country, a different life.
I left the foolish thoughts on success behind,
knowing breathing and loving is all to survive.

I left all the falls politeness for just being that,
found the joy in mixing my wandering footsteps with dirt.
I left being scared of sarcasm and rebellion poetry acts,
knowing nothing, maybe some, knowing, knowing truth would hurt.

And again..

And again, it's Sunday
like in every week that's passed
a new chapter to history
the week is over it didn't last

And again, it's raining
like in every autumn that's gone by
a new born darkness arrived
one that make's me cry

And again, the wind is howlin'
like in winter I thought had ended
the screaming louder than ever
peaceful silence not defended

And again, thunder is marching
as in days we hoped were elapsed
brown boot heels clicking
the dream of humanity collapsed

And again, chosen ones need shelter
like in days that should be perished
the rising of the ignorant mass
compassion no longer cherished

And again, the cold concurs
like when the winter sun goes down
hiding for a freezing tomorrow
while the running scared drown

And again, history is repeating
like memories just have vanished
no learned lessons, no lessons learned
the human progress stupidly banished

And again, the fight needs courage
like those who were brave decades ago
a war to win against our own
against darkness of the shadow

Your own little prison

An uncomfortable thought to know the future doesn't depend on who ever we vote for during elections, but whether we're strong and brave enough to get rid of the heartless, selfish, corrupt elite in power. Revolutions only start when there's nothing to lose anymore, but we all have so many things to hold on. I'm glad I didn't put future slaves on the planet, because that's what the newborns will be in an inevitable darkness. You can try to defend your own little paradise, disavow the suffer from others, barricade your gate to keep the begging needy out, defend your cultural icons and be surefooted about your so called liberty. In the end you'll find yourself in a prison, hypothesize freedom in a prison you've build yourself.

Stupidly numb

I was wrong,
he said
but he wasn't.
I didn't go for the line,
he said
but he was already there.

I messed up,
he said
but he didn't.
I never found,
he said
but he received his share.

I didn't see,
he said
but he wasn't looking.
I didn't feel,
he said
but she was there.

I didn't live,
he said
but he was breathing.
I didn't get it,
he said
but he got his share.

It's better to be blind
and still able to see
It's better to be deaf
and still able to hear
It's better to be paralyzed
and still be able to feel
than being a complete man
but stupidly numb.

Living life outside the clouds

There's a storm coming up
without clouds in the sky
The sun is shining bright
so I wonder why

Why's the wind so violent
as the rain is on leave
as trees were standing silent
in a quiet summer breeze

The storm show's many faces
some angry some in pain
up close they are all smiling
mixed messages how insane

Nature is deceiving me
like human beings do
they try to get me down
but I don't have a clue

For all I know it is alright
my discussion with the rain
but lies do fall drop by drop
I just can not explain

The storm show's many faces
some angry some in pain
up close they are all smiling
mixed messages how insane

A laughing sun whispers
it all will become bright
but all I see is darkness
not even a little light

It seems the rhythm of my life
believing I did it right
receiving sunny answers
but the storm rules out of sight

The storm show's many faces
some angry some in pain
up close they are all smiling
mixed messages how insane

Maybe tomorrow it's gonna rain
maybe the sun is gonna shine
it doesn't really matter
loneliness will be fine

safely being out the way
not hearing any word
no lies no false appraisals
it's save although absurd

The storm show's many faces
some angry some in pain
up close they are all smiling
mixed messages how insane

Away from anything that breaths
except some plants and trees
makes it all much easier
I know my mind agrees

Living life outside the clouds
not excepting rainy days
keeping to myself and I
freedom comes in many ways

The storm show's many faces
some angry some in pain
up close they are all smiling
mixed messages how insane

The storm show's many faces
some angry some in pain
up close they are all smiling
mixed messages how insane

(lyrics for a bluezy song)

On hostile grounds

Did my best to make it happen,
lost all the hours by being me.
Said Yes to all the shout-outs,
emptied my pockets, gave away the key.

Old friends just being grateful,
different leaves, but we're from the same tree.
No hurt, no pain, no suffer divides us,
on love, respect and privacy we agree

Taking a gamble to look further,
beyond the roots of old friends.
Walking into a new orchard,
uncertain where freedom ends.

Being open, being bounteous,
trying to grow on new grounds.
Trying to hear the word friendship,
just not knowing how it sounds.

The old trees on the land,
move different in the wind.
Cloudy, mystique messages,
spreading the feeling I have sinned.

Planted shallow into infertile soil,
reaching out to the sun.
Taking their shadow for granted,
grasping out to be part of their fun.

It takes a lifetime of learning,
finding a way to enjoy the fruits.
It takes a lot of swallowing pride,
before the first root shoots.

Old achievements don't count,
there's a new chain-gang blues to sing.
I will do all, and all for free,
but not for nothing.

Hunting for the wrong dream

You've got a brain to think,
a mind to have thoughts,
your heart just a blood pumping device.

You should have a conscience,
an internal guide to right and wrong,
a knowing when to sacrifice.

Your spirit could forget all wrong,
faith a deceiving companion on the edge,
while looking with indoctrinated believes into the abyss.

Your personal morality explained as integrity,
aware of good and bad you've made a choice,
hunting supremacy at a high price.

You're supposed to have a soul,
a non-located keepsake vault,
for travels to an imaginary paradise.

Yes, the man who we gave our vote...

The man says I should live healthy
the man says I shouldn't drink
the man says I should be working
the man says my wages should shrink

The man says I should live longer
the man says eat GMO food
the man says I shouldn't be asking
the man says he knows what's good

The man says I should be productive
the man says I shouldn't strike
the man says he's been chosen
the man says he knows what I like

But the man's living in a mansion
I'm living in a derelict trailer
The man's got private health insurance
To me the doctor says maybe later....

The man says I should be quiet
the man says I shouldn't provoke
The man says I should pay my taxes
The man says I shouldn't smoke

The man says I should be loyal
the man says I shouldn't retire
the man says I should shut up
the man says he's the one to admire

The man says he represents democracy
the man says he's the one to vote
the man says I can't be a socialist
the man says it's capitalism I should promote

But the man drives in a Benz
and I'm riding my rusty bike
the man owns a foreign nanny
I'm living in a kind of third Reich....

The man says he doesn't owe me
the man says I should lower my voice
the man says he's been elected
the man says he's the only right choice

The man says I should contribute
the man says life is about success
the man says I should obey
the man says I'm to blame for the mess

The man says there is no privacy
the man says it's just protocol
the man says its for my security
the man says he wants to know it all

But the man is guarded by some suits
My freedom broken beyond repair
the man is protected by mighty friends
but where ever I go I must beware....

The man wants me to live healthy
so I can work until my dying day
I'm not allowed to save for later
because pension is such a cliche

The man is the biggest threat to us all
shoveling poison in our throat
and bringing us only misery
Yes, the man who we gave our vote...

(lyrics for a blues song)

Compassion Lost

For those who try their best
but can't do better
For those walking slower than the rest
you know it doesn't matter

For those with burdens on their shoulders
carrying a heavy weight
who's body's fire smolders
your soul will compensate

the world became a dangerous place
there is no space for the human face
life became an achievement race
the way we act a big disgrace

love where have you gone
People what did we do
compassion why are you numb
I guess you're silent to

We know the modern liberal rules
demand that sickness is a crime
The world will never be a paradise
love never got the time

Health-care became big business
Cures and medicine a form of bribe
Your treatment in the hands of man in suits
an empty wallet is what they prescribe

the world became a dangerous place
there is no space for the human face
life became an achievement race
the way we act a big disgrace

love where have you gone
People what did we do
compassion why are you numb
I guess you're silent to

For those who's Mondays use up all the drive
and lac the talent to multi-task
For those being passive is a way to survive
hiding behind a laughing mask

For those who's brain can't handle chaos
simple structures are the way
For those who can't get their feelings across
your silence is okay

the world became a dangerous place
there is no space for the human face
life became an achievement race
the way we act a big disgrace

love where have you gone
People what did we do
compassion why are you numb
I guess you're silent to

For those who put the cattle on the stove
and wait for the water to steam
For they would forget about the tea
short term memory  a dream

For those with a weak heart in their chest
when limited energy is just a fact
Modern times are on a quest
Needing care not in ...... the contract

the world became a dangerous place
there is no space for the human face
life became an achievement race
the way we act a big disgrace

love where have you gone
People what did we do
compassion why are you numb
I guess you're silent to

Between Dawn and Dusk

The white sparkling grass,
frozen during a moonlightness night,
scorned the warmth offered by
the early Sunday morning sun.

Coulored beams like shiny brass,
awakening the world with daylight,
scaring away the life threatening cold
with a clarifying and natural vision.

At noon the fields are green at last,
revealing a temporary beautiful sight,
the fight between dawn and dusk discloses
planet Earth's manic depression.